Sunday, 25 November 2007

Matters of the Heart



reflections on romance ...

I had so many 'boys' as friends in the church youth group I'd joined at about 16.5 yrs. I could talk to the 'boys' for hours. . I did have a soft spot in my heart for one but he only had eyes for my dear friend MS (we've been friends 25yrs). I knew she couldn't bear him but I tried ... for me LOL . Another fellow I was quite keen on only wanted me as friend too ... both came to my 21st birthday party. Secretly, I hoped for some jealously here at one stage .I had lots of males in the youth group as 'mates' -that's all it seemed.

A few youth group guys asked me out on 'dates' or to be a girlfriend (when I hardly knew them) .The ones who unfortunately fancied me where definitely not my idea of a life partner. I had high ideals.I wasn't into playing time. I had already been went on one disastrous date as a teen .

The fellow who had the name 'Johny Walker'[think scotch] seriously - he was a complete loser I met him at a Blue Light (Police sponsored) disco - and danced with him. Later that week my friend W, gave him my phone number [ he knew where she worked] and he asked me to a movie (daytime). We went by train. JW tried to impress me with his bird cruelty stories and criminal activities OMG - that was final time I saw him. I forgave my friend though (we are still friends after 28years)

The other guys I saw regularly were all only youth group ~ outings to movies, putt putt golf and quiet parties. Oh , one guy was a patient and he gave me a flower on Valentine's day and card ... to ask me out LOL - no way.

Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink...
At 21.5 yrs I left this church for greener pastures and hopefully better men.I was busy shift working as a registered nurse and attending a new church at 22 with another good friend Deb . The guys there were very nice (a lot attended the local university) but were mostly all taken ...not that I was looking hard(: ) wink).

One night 27/9/1988 I was driving home late from hospital (RN nursing) .I switched from music station to talk radio to avoid an ad. I heard the spiel from this guy and I thought he sounded interesting. I thought 'I might write in'.

It took me a few days to stay up late enough to write the matchmakers address down ... which I did eventually in the dark one night and put it under my pillow.

I wrote my letter at work ... alone in the Isolation ward (in a children's ward) and when there was only a few children and they were asleep I did my own thing. (I didn't want anyone to know)

The hardest letter I ever had to write . After 10 drafts in the bin, I posted my letter to the radio station . I got a phone call a week or so later from Matt. It was pre-Internet / pre email / pre mobile phones ... not that he uses the computer or Internet much at all. He bravely went on a radio matchmaker program and I was blessed to hear him at that moment in time.He was my hero.Our paths crossed mysteriously or maybe collided LOL . I think only 1-2 girls wrote in... he still isn't sure (hhmm)

Back to the phone call ...we chatted for a hour with airplanes droning in the background {Air show}and my noisy young cousin in my foreground. I made sure he knew that.

So I met M , October 15th , 1988 the same night... a blind date. We met in Parramatta at a restaurant. I was so nervous ... we both were. I could barely eat but we muddled through and talked. He seemed quiet though confident , charming and funny -- all of the things I knew I wasn't. I hoped I was enough to get him interested.

One of us suggested a movie ...and while I got into your car leaving mine behind I had visions of Jack the Ripper.But I still did it. No one knew where I had gone or who I was with. I can't even remember the movie we saw.Gee, I was pleased when you dropped me back my car but sad to say goodbye. .

I went to your church - girls flocked to see you (or me) and I even met your mother soon after after we went to your home and she came out of her room. I wrote to you .Then heard nothing for a week or more ... I was very sad .I hoped you would call me. I was shift working one Friday night I missed your call.No one gave me the message -it was to invite me as a guest to wedding . By the time I got it you were busy ... I had to go to a wedding too (one of two still going strong).
Then we talked by phone and you invited me to dinner on a Tuesday night November 15th ,1988 ... your mother was away. We had Chinese takeaway reheated. We joked and chatted ... you asked me how many pairs of shoes I had ? and a few other odd questions ...
perplexed ? so was I - did he have a shoe fetish or scared he was choosing an Imelda Marcos fan club member.

I think he asked a few more Q’s (obviously I passed the test … still here are we not !)

Then you asked me what I thought of you and to be your girlfriend. I can't remember the exact words ...

Then oh woe to me ...2 weeks later I went on an overnight 1000km bus ride to Melbourne / then a 14 day return 1100 bike ride from Melbourne to Sydney terrified that someone would steal you away. LOL I wrote most days.I returned home from my long bike ride. I had to see you I missed you so much.

Days later I moved into a shared house with girl friends from my old church .I think it was time and also I had had enough of my younger sister, T and her friend, E (still T's friend but nicer now).(I digress my sister met her husband on the Internet 8 yrs ago). T & E had been writing to other guys on the matchmaker show pretending to be me- I found the letters.GRRRRR

My house mates always had guys over after church /youth group (only in the lounge & kitchen). It was fun but I didn't stray for one moment my eyes were set on you. (Plus my cross eyed eye on all those girls that hung around us at your church and also my own friends ... just in case).

On my birthday, 8 months later, you asked me did I want to spend the rest of my life with you ... simply Yes !

A lot of serious things, concerning my future health, happened in the months leading up to this but he loved me in spite of it all.We got married 7 months later.

I know I have a daughter but she isn’t with me …I can’t change it but I lament that I will never be able to share mother / daughter talks with her … Like

I’ll never get to tell her that no matter how many times I thought I was in love, no matter how many times I wanted the guy of-the-moment to love me back, I’m so thankful none of them panned out till, M, her father.

Not one of them could ever come close to comparing to her father. He is my rock and my soul mate. I am sorry sometimes I treat him so badly… but he forgives me.That’s Love !

I thank God for unanswered prayers (I could name more than a handful but they don’t matter do they) in this matter of the heart .I give grateful thanks for this today …

So here we are after 19 years. This is still one of my favorite stories to tell about the beginning of our friendship.

ps... My Dad and M's friends encouraged him to call the radio station the eve our wedding to share our story .They taped it and played this at our wedding - everyone was ROFL.